Rod was the fortunate recipient of the first three-way hug. He seemed to like it.

If Rod was a fruit, he would be a pear, because pears are at their best just before they go rotten.

Rod’s superpower is his sarcasm. I’m told that it’s quite cutting.

Motty offered a great hug. He’s had a lot of practise with hugs, and seems to have it down to a fine art.

If Motty was a fruit, he’d be a tomato. Some might claim the tomato to be a bit of a bullshit artist, seeing as it can claim to be a fruit or a vegetable, depending on its mood. Motty decided he was best described as a tomato because he considers himself difficult to quantify. Tomatoes are good to have on a hangover.

Motty’s superpower is being late. He is very good at being late. He was late the day of the hug.

Sean is a friend of Annie’s. Sean also had some interesting times in a hammock once.

If Sean was a fruit, he would be a cherry. Perhaps he chose a cherry because of it’s unmistakeable undertones of sexuality and/or purity. Perhaps he just likes the colour.

Sean’s superpower is differentiation. This is a great superpower if you can get it. He probably spends most of his time dashing from high school to high school, answering the cries of help from stressed out maths students who can’t turn their straight lines into parabolas.

If Andy was a fruit, he would be an apple. Not just any apple, though. A Royal Gala apple. They’re the fancy kind.

Andy’s superpower is being completely and utterly clueless. It’s admirable for someone to be able to remain entirely without a clue.

Elise was wearing a very pretty dress, and has been artfully framed by beer bottles.

If Elise was a fruit, she would be a mango.

Elise’s superpower was breaking high heels. Another awkward and difficult to explain superpower – I imagine Elise would save people by hitting villains with her broken heel.

I spied Will across the bar and went across to hug him. He turned out to have a fascinating insight on the kind of fruit he was. He told me he would be an avocado – a very sneaky and most-un-fruit-like fruit if ever there was.

Will’s superpower is his ability to cook. Super-cook.

Laura was sitting all on her own when I went up to hug her. She seemed excited by the prospect of hugging a stranger, although she started out being a little skeptical.

If Laura was a fruit, she would be a starfruit. She said she didn’t really know what a starfruit tastes like, but the shape is very interesting, and that’s something.

Laura’s superpower is being average at anything. It would be hard not to stand out at anything, but it must be easier to be liked in this tall poppy syndrome society.

Annie stumbled into the Phoenix on Friday night with nary an expectation of being hugged and demanded to know her superpowers. In fact, she got her hug question free, until I realised how silly it would be to hug someone and not discover something new and interesting about them.

If Annie was a fruit, she would be a peach. Stone fruits have so far been quite underrepresented, so it was a pleasing answer.

Annie’s superpower is her incredible power of zen. She is the eye of a hurricane. The theories for this range between her incredibly unshakeable belief that everything will be okay, to her being completely unaware to whatever is going on around her. Like most, the answer may lie somewhere in the middle.

If Darren were to be a fruit, he would be a mango. His lady-friend suggested that he had great tits. Whilst that may very well be the case, we’re not sure that it’s a superpower. In fact, Darren’s superpower is that he had a lot of love to give. A very worthy superpower if ever there was one.

Dan was enjoying a night at the Phoenix with friends when his night unexpectedly became more hug-filled. He was the first of many at the Phoenix who shared their embrace with a stranger for the sake of art.

If Dan was a fruit, he’d be a kiwi fruit. Probably because he is furry. Dan’s superpower is telling dad jokes.

Here’s an example of a dad joke:

How do monkeys make cheese on toast?

Put it under a gorilla.